Chapter 1: The Inner Critic

We learn how the inner critic tries to protect, keep us small and hold us back from moving forward into growth and our dreams. We are given journal prompts to get to know your inner critic, to name the critic and label the personifications of them. 

Chapter 2: The Voice of Inner Wisdom (aka the Inner Mentor)

In this chapter we are led through a meditation to access your inner mentor. Our inner mentor is our future self, but in the guiding and mentor aspects they are the “more authentic, fully expressed versions of ourselves with all our best qualities.”

The inner mentor is there to replace the inner critic and help guide us to show that we are ready and it could be just that simple. 

Chapter 3: A Very Old New Way of Looking at Fear

A chapter on fear, how to distinguish between the 2 types (goes into Hebrew teachings) Pachad “is the overreactive, irrational fear that stems from worries about what could happen, about the worst-case scenarios we imagine.” Then there is yirah which has 3 different means. “1. It is the feeling that overcomes us when we inhabit a larger space than we are used to. 2. It is the feeling we experience when we suddenly come into possession of considerably more energy than we had before. 3. It’s what we feel in the presence of the divine.” This book gives examples of naming the two different types of fears between the lizard brain fear and “life-giving fear/awe” that comes with playing bigger and taking up more space.

There are also 15 different practice tools for moving past the year and one of my favorite ones is asking yourself “What about this situation can I become authentically spurious about?”

Another good skill she gives us is asking yourself “then what?” when you are facing a fear of failure. She gives an example of a woman scared of starting a business and then failing. If you start the business and fail then what? She replies with well in guess I would be embarrassed, feel like a total failure and end up completely broke. Then what? I could move in with my sister and find a job doing what I was doing. If you can look for the next steps and ways to move through the fears if you “fail”, then the failure seems less scary and more of an opportunity to explore. 

Chapter 4: Unhooking from Praise and Criticism

Who loves to get praise? I think most of us women do and the hard part is that we place our worth and value on that praise. We are a failure if the praise didn’t come. There are some great principles that are very eye opening.

Principle 1- Feedback doesn’t tell you about you; It tells you about the person giving the feedback

Principle 2- Incorporate feedback that’s strategically useful and let the rest go

Principle 3- Women who play big get criticized. Period. 

Principle 4- Criticism hurts when it mirrors what we believe about ourselves

Principle 5- Ask, what’s more important to me than praise? 

Chapter 5: Leaving Good-Student Habits Behind

There are some good stats given right at the beginning of this chapter and to sum it up basically women are doing better than boys in school. We are learning to be “good girls” and good students, we are continually adding more education and preparation to our list of accomplishments. While our male counterparts will prove themselves in the job interview and initially negotiations asking for higher pay and more seniority while women will ask for less and prove themselves on the job. 

We have to do mindset shifts from “self-promotion” and think about visibility instead our work and our ideas are there to serve and we need to make them visible in order to help.

Chapter 6: Hiding 

This is another fantastic chapter, ok well every chapter is amazing and hits home as a woman. 

Hiding Strategy #1 This before that.

Basically you don’t need one more course, one more class nor one more qualified knowledge before you can start now.

Hiding Strategy #2 Designing at the whiteboard.

This is the part where we plan and conceptualize, but we never get out and start the market research and fear our ideas getting criticized and put down.  

Hiding Strategy #3 Overcomplication and endless polishing.

This is the endless polishing, overcomplicating, revising and revisioning, PERFECTION.

Hiding Strategy #4 Collecting and curating everyone else’s ideas.

Not sharing your own voice, but the voice of others instead. 

Hiding Strategy #5 Omitting your own story.

Stories, especially personal stories are much more powerful and create stronger connections. 

Hiding Strategy #5 I need that degree…

We think we need more knowledge to prove that we know more, but in reality we know enough!

Chapter 7: Leaping 

This is about making the move, not thinking about moving, but the process of doing. Maybe the step is small and instead of publishing a book right now, it is publishing a blog post or a smaller magazine article. It is a simple lleap to start the movement and ACTION.

Chapter 8: Communicating with Power

I’ve heard this one before and I’m guessing you have as well, removing undermining speech habits: Just, actually, kind of, almost, sorry but…, a little bit, disclaimers, does this make sense?, uptalk (raising the pitch of your voice at the end of a statement), rushing and piling on words (trying to qualify), substituting a question for a statement (also voice pitch related, for example saying your price as a question vs a statement). 

I catch myself using “just” in email and when I write it I delete it right away. This is the perfect place to start in your written words so you can edit it out. 

Chapter 9: Callings

“A calling, as we’ll define it in this chapter, is a longing to address a particular need or problem in the world”. 

For example my phrase that you’ll see on my website is “As You Are”, which basically is my mission through photos to help people feel more confidence showing up as they are today, as their age, with the wrinkles they have, the gray hairs and the weight that may be more than their teenager weight. Because we are all worthy of being seen and the people who want to truly connect with us won’t care about our own personal insecurities. I hope to help people to move past hiding from the camera and to step in front of the camera to show themselves as they are today. 

Chapter 10: Let It Be Easy

I was reminded of another book I read in this chapter Willpower Doesn’t Work by Benjamin Hardy as well as Atomic Habits by James Clear. To reach our goals we should enlist other things like an accountability buddy and find the community also working on that same goal. This has some great tips if you haven’t read either of those books.